Saturday, June 6, 2009

What makes mothers cling to dangerous men?

Sometimes I go days ignoring the news in New Orleans because I don't want to hear stories with headlines like these, "17-year-old charged with murder, rape of 8-month-old." I don't if Arnold Ross did what they say he did. He is the boyfriend of the murdered and raped infant's mother, however, and sadly that makes it more likely his confession is valid.

Nevertheless, New Orleans and also deputies in Jefferson Parish, where the crime occurred, have a reputation for not playing fair with suspects, so I'll make sure to say Ross is the "alleged" murderer and rapists of Da-Von Lonzo, 8-month old. WWL TV provides this quote from the police:
Ross has a lengthy criminal history with arrests for possession of crack cocaine, possession of marijuana, obscenity, battery on a correctional officer, three counts of battery on a school teacher, three counts of theft, illegal carrying of a weapon and assault.
Whether Ross committed this horrific crime or not, I wish I could see the mother who loved him enough to let him into her heart and near her child.

Yes, I know the following is a sentimental poem, but moments like this sometimes need sentiment.

Your Heart on Crack
A poem by Nordette Adams

A lover should be like the balm in Gilead,
Soothing each day's sorrow,
He should be Hope's conjurer,
Salvaging tomorrow.

A man you bring into your bed
Should be of fatherly fabric,
Not gangsta quieting babies with fists,
defiling life with his madness.

You can weep on my shoulder, young ma,
too young to know your own worth,
less how to protect what's precious,
the child to whom you gave birth.

(c) 2009 Nordette N. Adams


  1. This is a sad story.

    The reasons why a woman clings to a man is one of those subjects that we could exploe for the remainder of this year and we would still not have satisfactory answers for the problem.

    I have long maintained that too many women teach their daughters to be attracted by the negative aspects of relationships versus the positive. This is not true about all women but I have seen my friend's daughters adapt many of the same relationship habits that they have used. Which is not always a good thing.

    Unfortuantely the children often end up being the victim of poor choices.

  2. I just read the news story you linked to. His girlfriend was a 34 year old mother? If this report is accurate this grown woman left her child with her 17 year-old boyfriend?

    I don't know what the truth is but there seems to be systemic long term wrong here. It is like some people are running to the abyss.

    I have no words for this. I can't even fully comprehend the totality of the many layers of the story.

    Peace indeed be still.

  3. Yeah, Gena. I didn't even want to talk about her, the actual mother. What's a 34-year-old woman doing with a 17-year-old? If she is indeed 34 then her actions don't reflect maturity, wisdom, or a woman knowing anything about being a responsible female.

    The story says Ross "claimed" to be her boyfriend. If it was written by a careful writer, the word "claimed" usually indicates that the writer's skeptical or the person who gave the information to the writer sounded skpetical. And if he is the boyfriend, then how long has he been "the boyfriend." More than a year and the police could have a case against the mother for her relationship with a minor.

    We may never know what the real story is here, except that leaving a child with Ross was the wrong decision.

    Ross's story is hard to believe regarding how the baby's rectum ended up torn also.

    Deborah, I've done some stupid stuff in my life, but I've always been picky about where I leave my children and with whom. I know some people live different cultural lifestyles from mine, but I really have trouble with leaving a baby with just anyone. I can understand the reasons why a woman would be attracted to a dangerous man, but I don't understand why a grown woman would let such a man be responsible for her children's welfare.

    You're right, we could talk about this for a year and still not get an answer on why mothers cling to dangerous men. And I think you're on spot with what mother's teach their daughters about men. Often they teach through poor example.

    Thank you for the visits.

  4. So many women seem to love a bad boy, but a mother...what other choice does she really have?

    A little more than ten years ago I lived in Jefferson Parish and there are days that I truly miss reading The Times Picayune on my balcony sipping my piping cup of CDM.